On A Roll!

Would you look at how much I’ve updated this dead blog today! Feeling a bit giddy myself: seems like I’ve got lots to say. Update: By the way, due to a certain comment I’ve come to realize that to avoid other misunderstandings and confusion I’d like to say that this particular piece is one I took from my friend’s blog,  with permission of course. Its nothing personal. I especially liked how she described her thoughts on the topic. Very well written! Thus why I’d like to share it with you all here.

But the thing that has been on my mind the most lately is all the betrayals… and everything else that comes after. Sucks that it eats you up inside. Whether you want it to or not. Like, I thought I got over everything that’s happened and learnt to let go, but next thing you know, BAM! It hit me. I haven’t moved an inch. Not since four years ago. Wait, make that five.

Put it this way.

You go by your days, thinking what’s past is past. Sooner or later you’re able to start visualizing the future: moving on, letting go, forgiving and forgetting. But when you look back, you can see that the shadows still haunt you.

Your wound is still fresh, or at least unhealed. You lick them daily and diligently put plasters over it. You’d think the wound would go away eventually but it stays. Manifesting a frightening hold, deep underneath the skin. It gets to you. And when you’re finally willing to admit it, you realize that it will leave a scar.

And then you start building a wall around that wounded part of you. Because you know that the slightest scratch could just as easily reopen them. It’ll never heal, but you’re determined to never let it bleed again. You’re never the same since, though ironically, after all is said and done, you’d continue on with your life as if nothing’s changed…

Consciously or unconsciously hurting those who try to tear that wall down along the way.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, its that there will always be betrayals in any relationship. Big or small. Inevitable. So, I guess you just have to start letting go.